Tuesday, October 05, 2010

My brain never stops...

...but you probably wish it would.

  • Last week I was meeting a job candidate (yes, we're filling ONE of our FIVE open positions), and was waiting in the lobby of a local establishment to escort her to dinner. No, I was not having a toddy, but I should have as you will shortly see. I pulled out my cell to make sure the ringer was off. Instead I noticed there was a voicemail. (This is strange, because I had just spoken to my DH, and hardly ANYONE else uses my cell.) Here is a paraphrase of what I heard: Hi, [name unknown], this is Michelle from [salon name unintelligible]. I just wanted to let you know I spoke to our aesthetician and she does not do "Brazilians". She does do regular bikini waxing. I've kept your appointment just in case, so if you do not want to keep it just give me a call. Thanks!!

    What can I say....but OW!! EEWWWWWW also comes to mind.

    WHO else could possibly get a stray voicemail about crotch hair!!

  • Has everyone else been winning the lottery, finding lost relatives, or being singled out to help cancer victims? Seems to me these things are on the upswing, or maybe I'm just lucky.

    Here's a sampling:

    Jennifer Wagner tells me "GOD LOVES A CHEERFUL GIVER"

    As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday. My name is Mrs. Jennifer Wagner , a merchant in Dubai, in the U.A.E. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer . It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.


    "Barrister" Martins Williams thinks I'm an entrepreneur, and can't spell worth a lick.

    We've been trying to reach you several times without no sucesss. we are trying if this email can get into your inbox to explain our investment intentions for you.

    I am contacting you briefly based on the Investment of Two Hunred Million Dollars (US$ 200,000,000:00) in your country, as I presently have a client who is interested in investing in you to invest in your country, but he has never done business in your country before. I find it imperative to solicit for a partnership. Hence upon receipt of this letter, I implore you to kindly respond and let me know how possible it is to work with you in mutual partnership under the below conditions as follows:

    Dear Martins...go to school. Through 8th grade will at least help with your spelling.

    According to Brenda, there's a SCAM being perpetrated!! Horrors!!

    The SPANISH HIGH COMMISSION in France, Portugal, Sweden and Germany received a report of scam against you and other British/US and Malaysian citizens, Etc. The countries of France, Portugal, Sweden, Germany, Britian and United States have recompensated you following the meeting held with the countries' Government and various countries' high commission for the fraudulent activities carried out by the countries' Citizens.
    Your name was among those scammed as listed by the Spain Financial Intelligent Unit (SFIU). Compensation has been issued out in Certified Bank Drafts to all the affected victims and has been already been in distribution to all the bearers. Your draft was among those that were reported undelivered as at on Friday and we wish to advise you to see to the instructions of the Committee to make sure you receive your draft immediately.

    Brenda wants me to keep this a secret, because apparently there is a hit to be placed on squealers.Dear Brenda, You can reach me at CIA headquarters.

    Finally the piece of resistance:

    This is to inform you that you have won a prize money of Five Hundred Thousand Great Britain Pounds (GBP 500,000.00) for 2010 Prize promotion which is Offered by Coca-Cola Company of England.
    Coca-Cola collects all the e-mail addresses of the people that are active online, among the millions that subscribed to Yahoo! and Hotmail and few from other e-mail providers. Six people are selected monthly to benefit from this promotion and you are one of the Selected Winners.

    Winners shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Center. Coca-Cola Prize Award must be claimed no la! ter than 21 days from date of Draw Notification. Any prize not claimed within this period will be forfeited.

    As a bonus this had Coke logos splashed all over it!

    Dear Cherry, Get a job. A real job. Not here. Anywhere but here.

So what's the deal? Does ANYONE respond to this crap any more? Are they getting more frequent, or am I just losing it?

1 comment:

kemtee said...

If I had a nickel for every time I've won the Netherlands lotto this month, I could launch my own internet scam company.

It's a good thing you don't check your voicemail on speaker phone.